Monday, October 10, 2005

The Banana, The Security Guard, & the Strip Search

Friday morning I rushed out of the house somewhere between 4:30 AM & 5 AM. On my way out I grabbed a bottled water and a banana & threw them into my backpack, planning to eat/drink them later. Only, I was rushing and forgot.

I was the last passenger to check in at the gate (imagine that!) & they'd overbooked the flight & I got involuntarily bumped to the next flight to Newark. I wasn't happy, but I smiled, thanked the man, and took the $300 airline dollars & $32 airport food money to help me kill the 2 hours until the next flight. I asked him where he'd go eat breakfast if someone else was paying. So I headed to the restaurant he said even though it meant going back out of the security check point (I had 2 hours to kill why not go through security twice??). I had a scrumptious breakfast of Strawberry pancakes, a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice, & a soda. Okay, so I was thirsty and someone else was paying. Even after all that, my breakfast was only around $10. So I asked if I could give the other vouchers away and my waitress said sure. So I watched other diners and picked out a couple with 2 kids and gave $20 toward their breakfast. It was super cool. I've heard about people who do that (Tim McGraw & Faith Hill have been noted doing this around Nashville) and think it would be so cool to be able to do this routinely, surprise people by paying for their orders, etc.---but I digress, don't I? Back to the story. After I left the restaurant, I waited in the security check line and YOU KNOW what happens next.

Yep, I was chosen for the full check. The pat down, search everything I own search. I took my laptop out of my backpack and sat it on the tray and put my backpack in another. They had me leave my shoes on and took me to a different place at the side of the security check point. A lady waved the wand all around me and patted me down. Couldn't see her face so I don't know if she was enjoying herself or not. A nice-looking hispanic gentleman in his 50s? brought the trays with my stuff in them over to where I was and set them on the table. He lifted my laptop and someone had put their muddy shoes in the tray prior to me and my laptop was wet on the bottom. I go to touch it & he says I can't touch anything once the search is started. So, he took a paper towel and cleaned it off. Next is my backpack. He puts the wand in and frowns when he pulls it out. I'm watching, wondering if cops and dogs are going to surround me any moment. He pulls some of my stuff out and says that something is messy in my bag. Then he makes a yucky face and says he knows what the problem is.

Yeah, you guessed it. My banana. I'd forgotten it and in all the taking stuff in and out of my backpack it had gotten smushed. The bottom half was missing. Well, not really missing, but no longer inside the peel and not anywhere even resembling solid. My backpack was lined with mush. My stuff is covered with mush. Note: I'm in the middle of a security check and can not touch any of my things. Guess who had to clean all my stuff and my backpack? Yep, the security guard. Of course, I chatted with him the entire time he cleaned. Twenty minutes into his cleaning, I'm quite enjoying myself and thanking the stars above that I'd been selected for a security check cause can you imagine the ick factor when I reached into my backpack to pull something out and my fingers squished into banana yuck? I might have even been on the plane at that time and had nothing to clean it with. By this time, the security guard found it as humorous as I did (maybe because I was teasing him?) and was laughing and cutting up with me. He ran out of papertowels and had to send another guard to get more papertowels. When he got my backpack spotless (better than before I'm sure), I laughed and told him that I was going to take him home with me. He got a big goofy grin on his face, wiggled his brows, and said "OKAY!!" Note to self: Be very, very careful when telling men you're going to take them home with you because they just might say yes.

So now you're probably asking about the "strip" part of the search, wondering if the security guard decided I needed checked again & in more secretive places. Had he looked like Matthew I would have volunteered for the full body search. but, alas, he didn't and I'm married and a one man kind of girl anyway (with the exception of Matthew & he doesn't count since he's my freebie ). Nor did I think dear hubby would appreciate my bringing a man home and saying I'd picked him up at the airport because he cleaned banana really well...nope, don't think that would fly around here at all. Actually, I just thought the "strip" part added a nice touch...I mean, it did grab your attention, right????


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